Not every activity has to be meaningful and not every moment together will be mindful. However, without some intention around creating meaningful moments, we can go days, weeks, months and even eventually years, without fostering that connection.
Quality over quantity.
How do we know what makes a moment meaningful? It depends on your child ,their development and what they (and you are working on at that time).
You may decide to build lego with your child and as you go through that process, you only use declarative, low-demand language. In so doing you invite engagement, but don’t expect it. You extend invitations and give your child the choice as to how or whether to respond. This is vastly different to our regular use of language that demands attention or action – for example prompting and asking questions.
Your intention may be to coregulate with your child in day-to-day tasks – rather than do things for them or hang around prompting them through everything. This may look like joining your child in getting dressed in an ‘I-do-something, You-do-something’ pattern. I hold the shirt up and you move your body to push your head through, I open up the shoe, you push your foot in, I lift the jacket behind you, and you slide your arms in, I hold the backpack open while you put your lunch in. These very simple coregulatory patterns create an experience in which your child feels like a competent partner with you, has agency and choice over his action in the partnership and creates small opportunities for problem-solving as he adjusts and responds to your input and actions.
While we are at home we can include our kids in countless day-to-day activities with similar intentions behind it– declarative language, non-verbal communication, coregulation, problem-solving, agency/autonomy, mindfulness – the list goes on.
I probably lost you when I used the word ‘countless’.
You don’t need to do countless activities because this isn’t easy when our kids face the challenges that they face. So let’s aim for one ☺ a day…ad then practice so much self compassion and compassion for your child, when one a day isn’t possible. Parents and kids do well when they can!
Connection:
Do 5 minutes of a people game (games without objects) of your child’s choice today. Enjoy each other and aim for belly laughter!
Conversation starters at mealtimes or when all together:
Self-Compassion:
Take time away from your family OR contemplate this with your partner:
What would you offer a friend at the end of a hard day that you can offer yourself now?
